See I have always seen myself as a good person which of course there is nothing wrong with. But sometimes I do have to ask myself the question...Where is the line?
I find myself doing good(ish) things for people almost for no reason. A good friend of mine noticed this her self and actually asked my "why". The simple answer was "I do not know". But then she asked me "Are you doing this just so people will think better of you even though you may not even know these people?" Which lead me to wonder "Is there any such thing as being nice just for the sake of being nice and not wanting anything out of it?"
Recently I let a person back into my life...Without going into detail about the person lets just say that they made me feel lower than I had ever ever done before and part of me (for the first time in my life) still does not want to forgive this person even though the incident happened about a year and a half ago.
Let me make this clear, I think it is pretty hard to hurt a person like myself who has such a low opinion about me which in one way it is comforting because I am almost immune from insults...But when I do get hurt it sticks and it is almost impossible to forget about the pain.
So now leading to the title of the blog. If said person made me feel lower than life then why do I think it's a good idea to let them back in?
1. Could it be because it's just part of my forgiving nature and a want to just get the past behind me? Maybe. I always end up forgiving people normally within days so for me to hold a hatred for a year and a half is damn near impressive. But if it was due to my nature then would I have not forgiven this person perhaps just after a week after?
2. Large reason could be because I just hate conflict in life...simple as that
3. Could my feelings towards this person be unchanged to how I felt for them before it...
OR
4. Some other reason. What this reason could be I actually do not know but maybe there is another reason...
All I can say is that I hope it is a mixture of 1&2 and I do hope it is not 3 as I know how much I felt for this person before the incident happened...
If anybody ends up reading this feel free to comment if you think you can help cause heaven knows I'm stuck
